My sis asked me to help her print some papers for school. Her As are coming soon, so she probably needs as much practice as soon as possible.
I told her I'll try.
Yesterday, at work.
It is probably not good to print it at work since it will be using of company's supply for personal use.
And my big boss is around.
=[
I'm not one to attempt something against the rules, furthermore, my company is quite strict because of our situations recently.
Yesterday, night.
I went home telling my sister that I didn't print her physics paper for her.
but she seems to really need it.
So I told her I'll try again the next day.
Today, at work.
My big boss went back to Japan for a business trip, coming back 2 weeks later.
Our HR and admin manager went to MOM in the morning.
Coast clear.
And I finished my work early.
It is probably the best time for me to print my sister's physics paper now.
And that was what I did.
Secretly proud of myself, there were a lot of pages too.
I'll probably gonna get a really bad impression if I got caught.
So I was really careful.
I kept them under my file carefully to avoid suspicion from unexpected visitors to my table.
Today, after work.
There is unit lifegroup, so I met up with my unit. Halfway through, I remember that I printed my sister's stuff.
And I remembered that I didn't put it in my bag.
I left it under my file.
Today is Friday, and my company don't work on weekends.
So the earliest I could give it to my sis is next Monday.
I whatsapp my sis that I forgot to bring it out with me.
I know that the f-word is not directed at me.
Although I know that she is not dissing me, I felt down nonetheless.
Down is an understatement.
In fact, I thought that I deserved to be shot in the head.
More like my sadistic nature kicked in and I thought that I should be shot in my tights, and after 30 mins when it becomes numb, get shot in the stomach. And 30 mins later, if I'm alive, I should be saved so that I have a gleams of hope, and then get shot in the head.
Really what's wrong with my brain?
I knew I can't remember things well, but......
How dumb can I be?
I shouldn't be this down, and I shouldn't be this sucidal.
Just after my lifegroup with prayers and worship.
Even just after being so close to God, evil thoughts started to creep into me making me down and unworthy.
I rebuke it, to get out of me.
I am my God's temple.
So it is not welcomed here.
But it doesn't make me feel less guilty for not being a better sister.
It doesn't make me feel less ashamed of myself that I am so forgetful.
What should I do?
...
This made me realised that I haven't been a good sister to my siblings or a good daughter to my parents.
Before, my sis ask me to help her with her make up since she will be performing as part of her school choir.
She was really excited then too.
But I was always so busy with myself, I didn't have time for her.
Or others in my family.
Coincidentally, my shepherd and I just embarked on a 9 week series of Galatians 5:22-23.
Each week, we will focus on one of the characteristics of the fruit of the spirit.
This week is love.
So I am thinking of some things I can do for the family to show my love.
- clean up the room, with the pile of clothes on the floor. (I share room with my sis)
- sweep and mop the floor so that my mum can have more time to herself. (I'll do that tomorrow morning)
- wash the clothes and hang it up. (it's my dad's duty, but he sprained his leg sometime ago, so he can get some rest too)
- cook maggie, add eggs and veggies, and whatever hotdogs or meatballs we have in the fridge for anyone who is hungry. (although I said anyone, it is mainly directed at my brother.)
What else can I do?
God place me in this house, in this family not coincidentally.
There must be some thing else that I can do...
What do you normally do for your family?
God bless you.
God bless my family.
P.s. I'm feeling better already.
Thank god. =]
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