P.U.S.H. (pray until something happens)

Previously, I mentioned that I am a Christian.

And I'm proud to be one too.

I wasn't born a Christian though.

Being in a-little-more-traditional-Singaporean-Chinese family, I was born, raised and taught as a Buddhist.

We have to burn incense to our ancestors before every meal, go to visit the temples.

Burn an exam charm my mom bought, mix it with water and drink it the night before our exams.

When I was younger, my parents would send my siblings and I for Buddhist Scripture studies (in Chinese) every Sunday.

In fact, I was brought up as an anti-Christ.

We would always be warned about befriending any Christians and we are told that the church would always tell you to give offerings.

They are bad people, who give more to the church than their parents.

Since for Buddhist, filial piety is the most important out of other virtues. Naturally, they are deemed as unfilial.

Not that I want to dishonour the one who taught me these things, I believe she has her reasons for believing such.

And I think she truly does not know what she is saying.

Thank goodness that God found me back.

I started following Christ about 2 years ago.

I didn't tell anyone at all. Not my parents, not my siblings.

That time, I knew the prosecution will be too overwhelming for a new believer like me.

And I am very very easily swayed.

I knew my mom is not going to be happy at all, knowing I defied all that she has taught me.

I always have the mentality that I would have to pack my bag, probably, and live with my friends for a while.

And thank God that I have a bunch of awesome friends who supports me. =]

The prosecution didn’t come. I didn’t have to leave the house.

Mostly, because I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t have the guts to.

As time passes, I could only pray that in God's timing, it will be revealed.

Many times, I went home from church determined to tell them the truth.

But it never came to pass. (Yes, Coward!)

My sibling found out that I have been going to church, but I think they only thought I was visiting.

Then one day, I went to visit my grandma. She suddenly popped out that question.

And I couldn't lie anymore.

Thank God that she wasn't as an extremist as my mom.

And the truth is, I wanted to tell someone so badly.

I was so at peace when I went home that night.

Finally, I wasn’t hiding my God away.

I only told my siblings and my dad, after I got water baptised a few months later.

My brother likes to say that we are Buddhist only because my mother thinks so.

It wasn't a supportive opinion, neither is it a discouraging one.

Thank god for them for not having too much of a reaction.

Because I'm a real sensitive person, I would definitely have wavered if they have opposed at that time.

Sometime later, I think my mom found out.

She started topics hinting her hatred for Christians.

My aunts even came to talk to me.

There's one time, we were having dinner as a family with my brother's girlfriend.

My mom was saying that her enemy works one floor above her.

Yes, she was referring to Christians.

Imagine my mother treating me as enemy.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything.

I was damned scared of her.

Thank god for my brother. Well, he didn't exactly defend Christians, but he did defend our rights to believe in something.

And I am glad that my brother spoke out what I couldn't.

I’ll always be thinking back, why didn’t I do better to armour barrier my God.

Always feel undeserving to be at service, in the presence of God.

Always praying that I would one day, finally be able to stand firm and stand proud.

Telling my family that I'm going to meet my church friends, and that I'm going for service.

I felt that my burden was snatched away from my shoulders and it was smacked hard into the ground.

My mom came clear that she knew of my belief when we had a quarrel recently.

And ever since then, she tried avoiding me so much that she didn’t even bother to look at me.

I'm not sure if it is because I have been preparing myself all these time that it didn’t affect me as negatively as I thought it would. But one thing I know for sure.

This is God's plan, His timing. And it couldn't be any better.

It’s a relief to have such a reliable backing. 终于可以松一口气.

Of course, it still hurts. Who wouldn't if your mother is being indifferent to you?

But ever since that time, when I was crying in the bathroom after my mom blatantly ignored me for the first time, the chill of being denied by my own parent.

God convicted me in my heart that I have come far.

I have grown so much and I am still growing!

I am glad, that I am a baby step closer to who He had created me to be.

I pray that I'll stand firm, because my God is faithful.

Even if my parents fail me, my Heavenly Father will not.

My God loves me, very very much.

And I want to love Him back.

Also, I pray for all those who have a disagreeable relationship with their mothers.

God had called us to honour our parents, to love them as God love us.

I pray for patience, though sometimes we may be short on temper and end up quarrelling with them.

God, remind us that you are a patience God and help us with our patience.

I pray for your godly intervenes, that for those who need a miracle, you shall without doubt be there for them.

I pray for soften-hearts, that you’ll break down the barrier that’s separating them, for mother and child alike.

God, I also pray for my brothers and sisters who claim your name, that they’ll remain their childlike faith for you, and know that you have great plans for them and their families.

We know that you’ll always be with us, even though we may feel that you are far away.

We know that you’ll always be watching us, wanting to pour your blessings upon us.

We thank you God, for your grace and never failing love.

In Jesus’ name, Amen!