Mother, behind the scenes

Yes, the one who taught me to be anti-Christ was my mother.
But before anyone starts condemning my mother.
I would like you to stop and finish reading this post.

My mom had a very hard life.
She didn't grow up like any other child.
Although her circumstances wasnt uncommon,
I believe that the pain she went through were just as tormenting.

She spend most of her childhood doing chores for the family she grew up in.
When my real grandma and real grandpa divorced,
grandpa took all of my mom's elder brothers and sister with him for his second home.
Being the youngest and a female on top of that,
my mom became a victim of traditional discrimination.

My grandma couldn't take her too.
She has to marry into my current grandpa's family and couldn't bring a child from her first marriage with her.
So, my mom was left to a sister of my grandma, my mother's god-mother.

Imagine a 5 year old kid being separated from her parents.
Imagine your parents taking all your other siblings and leaving you behind.
Isn't that close to the feeling of abandonment?
There were 5 of them, so what did she do wrong that her father didnt take her?
She was so young and imagine how many times she must had blamed herself for doing what she didnt do.
My mom is such a strong woman, I can't imagine my mom as a little child crying by herself.

She had spent most of the time doing chores.
I heard some time ago, my grandma told me that my mom learnt how to cook before she was even the height of the stove.
she had to take a stool so that she can see what she is cooking.
It was heart breaking, hearing from my aunts from my god-grandma's side.
I didnt knew my mom's past was so wretched.

After she grew up, my mom accepted and forgave my grandma.
They are very close now.

And the twisted part is that the misery didnt end here.
She married my dad. Not that my dad didn't treat her properly.
In fact, my dad is a good guy. It's almost like a cinderella story.
My dad was rich, he owned his own automobile business and it was going well.
Their plan was to have 3 kids,
that'll be my older brother, me and my younger sister,
with 2 years age gap in between.
Sounds like a happy family.

But we all know that even after the 'happily ever after' after cinderella married the prince isn't really a final ending.
That's when the Asian financial crisis strikes, in the 1990's.

My dad's company closed down, and he was declared bankrupted.
And he, overnight, got a stroke.
He became paralysed, half of his body, the right side, which is his dominant side.
He was sent to the hopsital in the night, in an ambulance,
while my siblings and I slept through the whole thing and still got up for school as usual the next morning.
Imagine my poor mother finding her husband frozen in bed.
The shock!
Paralyzed, not sure what the hell is wrong with him.

Spending the night in the hospital waiting for the results.
Scared that she'll lose her husband.
Scared for her future, scared for her children's future.
No direction, clueless about what she can do.

And while still lost and shocked, she had to come back home to prepare the kids for school.
She can't even cry in front of us.
Ignorant is bliss.
STUPID KIDS!!!!!!!!
I've never felt so ignorant especially after more than 10 years later when we are told of the truth.
I feel like going back in time to struggle myself.

Even when times got worst, my mother who was still young had stick with us.
Even when my aunts ( I have about 18 aunts),
offered my mom help that they could lessen her burden by putting each of her children with a different aunt and her family, she refused.

She could have let my aunts bring us up and she could have lived an easier life.
Probably, she was reminded of her childhood.
Nightmares of being abandoned, crying silently to sleep, doing chores and being grateful just to have a roof overhead and never knowing where she truly belongs.
I guess my mom wanted us to grow up without worries.
To live a life she never had, even though it strained her a lot.
From being a tai-tai to laboring none stop.

My mom is a very strong woman.
That's how my family stayed together.

Though, a tragic past is not an excuse for being unreasonable or sinning against God,
I think my mom suffered enough, so I'll cut her some slack.


Many times, I've asked God that where is He when my mom needs him.
And many times, I became doubtful of who our God really is.
But now, I'm sure that, without doubt, God has great plans for her.
Even if she does not know about it.
Because parents will always think ahead, and look out for their children,
even without letting them know.

And that's what our heavenly father likes to do too.
Coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous.



I love my mom.
It's something I can't say out easily.
It's even more diificult to say it to her.
We are a-little-bit-more-traditional-chinese-kind-of family,
 and we are reserved with what we speak.
At least my mom and I are like that.
Even though she is currently ignoring me right now,
it made me realised that I'm really a mummy's girl.


I pray that she'll be saved.
Amen.


P.s. I didnt write this so that my mom will read it and forgive me.
Firstly, like me, she is an IT idiot.
I dont think she even knows what a blog is.
Secondly, She is from chinese school.
Her english sucks, so she wont understand what I'm writing anyway.

But I wrote this, so that I can apprecicate my mother more.
And hopefully, you who took your time to read, can help me apprecicate my mom for me.
And I'll be truly grateful.
Thanks =]