Work: a massacre of brain cells.

My works requires me to use more brain than labor.

Often my mind will drift off to the stoning world without me knowing.

And my eyes hurts like hell... @ - @

After staring at the computer screen and looking at reports,

the blacks and whites give me a big headache.

Nope, I'm not racist. 

The dull blue divider also kills my eyesight.

So I like to add some colors to my desk. 

I like more colors on my rough paper too. 

Little things that make me happy at work...

...or not.

I don't really like wearing my glasses. It makes me dizzy if I wear them too long.

I think it is really important to have colors, especially at work where you can see them all the time.

Bright and vibrant colors can lift your mood, spike your memory, improve productivity, show off your personality, make time seems to go faster.

It seems to be able to make everything go better. =]

It you think your work is getting boring, add some life into it!!

But of course, try not to over do it.. =]

Mother, behind the scenes

Yes, the one who taught me to be anti-Christ was my mother.
But before anyone starts condemning my mother.
I would like you to stop and finish reading this post.

My mom had a very hard life.
She didn't grow up like any other child.
Although her circumstances wasnt uncommon,
I believe that the pain she went through were just as tormenting.

She spend most of her childhood doing chores for the family she grew up in.
When my real grandma and real grandpa divorced,
grandpa took all of my mom's elder brothers and sister with him for his second home.
Being the youngest and a female on top of that,
my mom became a victim of traditional discrimination.

My grandma couldn't take her too.
She has to marry into my current grandpa's family and couldn't bring a child from her first marriage with her.
So, my mom was left to a sister of my grandma, my mother's god-mother.

Imagine a 5 year old kid being separated from her parents.
Imagine your parents taking all your other siblings and leaving you behind.
Isn't that close to the feeling of abandonment?
There were 5 of them, so what did she do wrong that her father didnt take her?
She was so young and imagine how many times she must had blamed herself for doing what she didnt do.
My mom is such a strong woman, I can't imagine my mom as a little child crying by herself.

She had spent most of the time doing chores.
I heard some time ago, my grandma told me that my mom learnt how to cook before she was even the height of the stove.
she had to take a stool so that she can see what she is cooking.
It was heart breaking, hearing from my aunts from my god-grandma's side.
I didnt knew my mom's past was so wretched.

After she grew up, my mom accepted and forgave my grandma.
They are very close now.

And the twisted part is that the misery didnt end here.
She married my dad. Not that my dad didn't treat her properly.
In fact, my dad is a good guy. It's almost like a cinderella story.
My dad was rich, he owned his own automobile business and it was going well.
Their plan was to have 3 kids,
that'll be my older brother, me and my younger sister,
with 2 years age gap in between.
Sounds like a happy family.

But we all know that even after the 'happily ever after' after cinderella married the prince isn't really a final ending.
That's when the Asian financial crisis strikes, in the 1990's.

My dad's company closed down, and he was declared bankrupted.
And he, overnight, got a stroke.
He became paralysed, half of his body, the right side, which is his dominant side.
He was sent to the hopsital in the night, in an ambulance,
while my siblings and I slept through the whole thing and still got up for school as usual the next morning.
Imagine my poor mother finding her husband frozen in bed.
The shock!
Paralyzed, not sure what the hell is wrong with him.

Spending the night in the hospital waiting for the results.
Scared that she'll lose her husband.
Scared for her future, scared for her children's future.
No direction, clueless about what she can do.

And while still lost and shocked, she had to come back home to prepare the kids for school.
She can't even cry in front of us.
Ignorant is bliss.
STUPID KIDS!!!!!!!!
I've never felt so ignorant especially after more than 10 years later when we are told of the truth.
I feel like going back in time to struggle myself.

Even when times got worst, my mother who was still young had stick with us.
Even when my aunts ( I have about 18 aunts),
offered my mom help that they could lessen her burden by putting each of her children with a different aunt and her family, she refused.

She could have let my aunts bring us up and she could have lived an easier life.
Probably, she was reminded of her childhood.
Nightmares of being abandoned, crying silently to sleep, doing chores and being grateful just to have a roof overhead and never knowing where she truly belongs.
I guess my mom wanted us to grow up without worries.
To live a life she never had, even though it strained her a lot.
From being a tai-tai to laboring none stop.

My mom is a very strong woman.
That's how my family stayed together.

Though, a tragic past is not an excuse for being unreasonable or sinning against God,
I think my mom suffered enough, so I'll cut her some slack.


Many times, I've asked God that where is He when my mom needs him.
And many times, I became doubtful of who our God really is.
But now, I'm sure that, without doubt, God has great plans for her.
Even if she does not know about it.
Because parents will always think ahead, and look out for their children,
even without letting them know.

And that's what our heavenly father likes to do too.
Coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous.



I love my mom.
It's something I can't say out easily.
It's even more diificult to say it to her.
We are a-little-bit-more-traditional-chinese-kind-of family,
 and we are reserved with what we speak.
At least my mom and I are like that.
Even though she is currently ignoring me right now,
it made me realised that I'm really a mummy's girl.


I pray that she'll be saved.
Amen.


P.s. I didnt write this so that my mom will read it and forgive me.
Firstly, like me, she is an IT idiot.
I dont think she even knows what a blog is.
Secondly, She is from chinese school.
Her english sucks, so she wont understand what I'm writing anyway.

But I wrote this, so that I can apprecicate my mother more.
And hopefully, you who took your time to read, can help me apprecicate my mom for me.
And I'll be truly grateful.
Thanks =]

P.U.S.H. (pray until something happens)

Previously, I mentioned that I am a Christian.

And I'm proud to be one too.

I wasn't born a Christian though.

Being in a-little-more-traditional-Singaporean-Chinese family, I was born, raised and taught as a Buddhist.

We have to burn incense to our ancestors before every meal, go to visit the temples.

Burn an exam charm my mom bought, mix it with water and drink it the night before our exams.

When I was younger, my parents would send my siblings and I for Buddhist Scripture studies (in Chinese) every Sunday.

In fact, I was brought up as an anti-Christ.

We would always be warned about befriending any Christians and we are told that the church would always tell you to give offerings.

They are bad people, who give more to the church than their parents.

Since for Buddhist, filial piety is the most important out of other virtues. Naturally, they are deemed as unfilial.

Not that I want to dishonour the one who taught me these things, I believe she has her reasons for believing such.

And I think she truly does not know what she is saying.

Thank goodness that God found me back.

I started following Christ about 2 years ago.

I didn't tell anyone at all. Not my parents, not my siblings.

That time, I knew the prosecution will be too overwhelming for a new believer like me.

And I am very very easily swayed.

I knew my mom is not going to be happy at all, knowing I defied all that she has taught me.

I always have the mentality that I would have to pack my bag, probably, and live with my friends for a while.

And thank God that I have a bunch of awesome friends who supports me. =]

The prosecution didn’t come. I didn’t have to leave the house.

Mostly, because I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t have the guts to.

As time passes, I could only pray that in God's timing, it will be revealed.

Many times, I went home from church determined to tell them the truth.

But it never came to pass. (Yes, Coward!)

My sibling found out that I have been going to church, but I think they only thought I was visiting.

Then one day, I went to visit my grandma. She suddenly popped out that question.

And I couldn't lie anymore.

Thank God that she wasn't as an extremist as my mom.

And the truth is, I wanted to tell someone so badly.

I was so at peace when I went home that night.

Finally, I wasn’t hiding my God away.

I only told my siblings and my dad, after I got water baptised a few months later.

My brother likes to say that we are Buddhist only because my mother thinks so.

It wasn't a supportive opinion, neither is it a discouraging one.

Thank god for them for not having too much of a reaction.

Because I'm a real sensitive person, I would definitely have wavered if they have opposed at that time.

Sometime later, I think my mom found out.

She started topics hinting her hatred for Christians.

My aunts even came to talk to me.

There's one time, we were having dinner as a family with my brother's girlfriend.

My mom was saying that her enemy works one floor above her.

Yes, she was referring to Christians.

Imagine my mother treating me as enemy.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything.

I was damned scared of her.

Thank god for my brother. Well, he didn't exactly defend Christians, but he did defend our rights to believe in something.

And I am glad that my brother spoke out what I couldn't.

I’ll always be thinking back, why didn’t I do better to armour barrier my God.

Always feel undeserving to be at service, in the presence of God.

Always praying that I would one day, finally be able to stand firm and stand proud.

Telling my family that I'm going to meet my church friends, and that I'm going for service.

I felt that my burden was snatched away from my shoulders and it was smacked hard into the ground.

My mom came clear that she knew of my belief when we had a quarrel recently.

And ever since then, she tried avoiding me so much that she didn’t even bother to look at me.

I'm not sure if it is because I have been preparing myself all these time that it didn’t affect me as negatively as I thought it would. But one thing I know for sure.

This is God's plan, His timing. And it couldn't be any better.

It’s a relief to have such a reliable backing. 终于可以松一口气.

Of course, it still hurts. Who wouldn't if your mother is being indifferent to you?

But ever since that time, when I was crying in the bathroom after my mom blatantly ignored me for the first time, the chill of being denied by my own parent.

God convicted me in my heart that I have come far.

I have grown so much and I am still growing!

I am glad, that I am a baby step closer to who He had created me to be.

I pray that I'll stand firm, because my God is faithful.

Even if my parents fail me, my Heavenly Father will not.

My God loves me, very very much.

And I want to love Him back.

Also, I pray for all those who have a disagreeable relationship with their mothers.

God had called us to honour our parents, to love them as God love us.

I pray for patience, though sometimes we may be short on temper and end up quarrelling with them.

God, remind us that you are a patience God and help us with our patience.

I pray for your godly intervenes, that for those who need a miracle, you shall without doubt be there for them.

I pray for soften-hearts, that you’ll break down the barrier that’s separating them, for mother and child alike.

God, I also pray for my brothers and sisters who claim your name, that they’ll remain their childlike faith for you, and know that you have great plans for them and their families.

We know that you’ll always be with us, even though we may feel that you are far away.

We know that you’ll always be watching us, wanting to pour your blessings upon us.

We thank you God, for your grace and never failing love.

In Jesus’ name, Amen!

Hello, world!

Just when I thought I should post something, blogger changed.
It's ok though~

I wanted to create a new blog anyway.
A fresh new start, with a fresh new mindset.

This new blog, I want to be able to share my life with you.
Because I know that there are many people out there struggling and I'm not sure but you might be one of them.
I want to share my life with you, so that hopefully, you can be encouraged.
That life is not as bad as we sometimes make it to be.
Not that I live a perfect life, I have my struggles too, but I think it would be good, if we can have people spurring us, encouraging us, understanding us.

Life is a journey, and we can't live alone.

Thus, I shall start sharing with you my life.
Sharing life one post at a time, being transparent in an awesome way.




So.... I should probably start with sharing myself.
My name is Jovey, I have just graduated recently from my polytechnic with a Diploma of Logistics and Operations Management. I was a business student.
And now I got a full time job in the same field.

I am a Christian, and I love my God. =]
I am a Singaporean, speak English and Chinese, and in the midst of learning Japanese.

I am lazy, don't like to clean up. There'll always a pile of books or clothes on my bed.
I don't like bugs, doctors and unreasonable customers.
I don't like being in the dark.

I like reading, writing and drawing. I like art and music.
I like eating and cooking. I like manga, anime and cosplaying.
I like my make up kit. I like things that are in rainbow colors.
I like to sleep with a blanket, no matter how hot the day is.

I like writing more than speaking.
I like discussions more than conversations.
I like dresses more than pants.
I like youtube more than any other websites.
I like beer more than wine.

I have awesome friends and lots of cute little cousins.

=]



I shall post again.